Divorce

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Divorce

The family with a mother that stays home to take care of the kids and a father that goes to work every day is almost non-existent. Todays women are holding jobs rather than staying home, and now the father goes to work but doesnt live there anymore. The father now has his own place to go home to and perhaps a different wife. Divorce has become almost inevitable in todays marriages. People are no longer staying together and there is a major increase in single parents. Despite these facts, divorce is necessary in todays society.

Today when people enter into marriages, they have the option of divorcee in the back of their minds. This is seemingly a bad thought because it means that people have more of chance of getting divorced if they are anticipating it. This may also be a good idea because of some unexpected things that may arise within the marriage. An example of this would be the simple fact that people change. An argument to this reason would be that sometimes people are unhappy, but in the interest of the entire family there should be a grin and bare it attitude. Coming from a family in which my mother has been divorced three times and a father that has been divorced once, I have very extensive experience with this thought. I have seen two people marry my mother change the minute the honeymoon is over. These were great guys when they were dating my mother. They treated her with respect and treated us great, but almost immediately after they got married they turned into complete jerks. There is no way that two people can stay together if there is no respect for one another. This situation allows for nothing else than divorce. These guys were not only making me and my siblings miserable, but more importantly my mother. Divorce "is no more a guarantor of happiness than marriage, but also no less" (Smiley 78).

With more and more women becoming introduced into the workplace, the temptation for adultery is becoming increasingly great. Unfortunately, more and more marriages are being broken up by this problem. People may argue that in this situation the parents should work out their problems for the sake of the kids. "Children are frightened and angry, terrified of being abandoned by both parents, and they feel responsible for the divorce" (Wallerstein 6). If one spouse cheats on another there is no way that trust can be restored in the relationship. This means there will be more arguments and create a bad environment for the child to be in. The ultimate question would be is it better for the couple to stay together and argue in front of their children all the time, or should they get divorced and explain to the children why? From my experience when people are constantly fighting, the environment created is a very hostile one. This hostility seems to spread to every individual in the house and everyone walks around angry or upset, an environment not very suitable for raising children.

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Another leading reason for divorce is abuse within the relationship. Unfortunately there is an increasing amount of reported cases of domestic abuse, which leaves no other option than divorce. Abuse causes people to change their outlook on life. They become very lethargic towards life and the situations that may affect their lives. "Adolescence begins early in divorced homes and, compared with that of youngsters raised in intact families, is more likely to include more early sexual experiences for girls and higher alcohol and drug use for girls and boys" (Wallerstein 71). This fact may be a legitimate point, but it doesnt mention the reasons for the divorces. Increased drug and alcohol use along with earlier introduction to sex may occur within children from divorces but these children statistically would mostly come from cases of domestic abuse. This abuse from the parent or parents causes the child to withdraw from life. They would most likely seek refuge within these unfortunate things. It would be a shame if children as well as adults had to stay in these situations if divorce was not allowed. "Children and adults are able to escape violence, abuse, and misery to create a better life" (Wallerstein 68).

The children are the main focus in any case of divorce. Many statistics suggest that the children are the people in the family that are affected the most. The children are most likely the ones that feel responsible for the divorce, they are forced to grow up faster, and they are more likely to be "bad." I know from experience that it is more likely for the children to feel responsible for the divorce. More often than not this is because the reasoning behind the divorce has not been explained to the child or children. If the couple decide to get divorced and dont explain why to the children, the children are naturally going to think that it is their fault. More of a responsibility is placed on the children to become self sufficient a little sooner than normal. This is not necessarily a bad thing. The child now can do things for themselves earlier than most. They now have the ability to get through situations alone that many others would need help with. The reason that they are able to do this is not really the best, but the results are good for the strength of the individual.

Obviously my personal situation has allowed me to gain an opinion of this topic, but I also know that Im not the only child of divorced parents that feel this way. With the increased number of divorces, there is a greater chance of me meeting someone in my situation. I have met more than a few people that share the same views as I do. More often than not the focus of the debate is the affects on the children, but I am one of those individuals. I have lived through the problems addressed, along with many others. These problems have affected use the same way, but we react to them very differently. Many of us become stronger, but there is some that break under the pressure. Ultimately the happiness of the children is a direct result of the happiness of the primary caretaker. This means that although divorce seems like it is a fad, how can happiness be traded for what used to be the right thing to do?

Smiley, Jane. "There They Go, Bad-Mouthing Divorce Again." The Blair Reader. Eds. Laurie Kirszner and Stephen R. Mandell. Fourth ed. Upper Saddle River Prentice Hall, 00. 76-78.

Wallerstein, Judith. ''The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce. The Blair Reader. Eds. Laurie Kirszner and Stephen R. Mandell. Fourth ed. Upper Saddle River Prentice Hall, 00. 67-76.

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